Poppins Day

We love families and see their health as essential to not just the members of each family, but society as a whole! After all, at the core of every community is the family. That is why we exist here at Poppins Day - to document, encourage, build up, equip, and train your family! One of the ways we hope to do this is through articles written by seasoned parents. Today, we are so glad to share a post from Nicole Reynolds. Nicole has been blessed with three sons and is anxiously awaiting the arrival of baby four this summer! Nicole and her husband, Jason are doing some incredible things with their boys! I really appreciate their wisdom on the topic of raising sons and thought that we could really benefit from their thoughts.
--- So, with that said ---

Raising Courageous Boys: Giving Them Freedom + Work

Have you ever wondered how to give your son the freedom he so desperately

wants? Or perhaps you spend many days at home thinking, “what can I do to

keep this boy busy?!” (so that he stays out of trouble)

I myself am raising three sons ages 3, 4, & 5. I, like many moms, struggle with

how to keep my active boys tame and yet give them the freedom they so

desperately desire. They are driven to accomplish things and sometimes, break

stuff. They are made with an innate desire to be successful and courageous in

their everyday existence.

I truly believe that God has created boys in this way. My challenge as a mom is to

work with God, my husband, and the resources I’ve been given to help develop

and nuture my boys to be all boy. It’s not as scary as you think, even though

many use the term “all boy” to mask their feeling that God somehow gave them

an energetic little barbarian in the body of a baby boy and now they have no

idea what to do with him since he started walking on his own and destroying

everything in their house.

My first piece of advice for you is to let go and give them some freedom.

Remember that your tiny boy will someday be a husband - the kind that you

have spent the last two, five, or twenty years trying to figure out. I’ll bet that in

that time, if you are an attentive wife, you have figured out that they do not like

to be told what to do. Of course, you can’t let your two year old boy run around

doing whatever he wants because “he doesn’t like to be told what to do”. But, as

your son gets older - around age 4 or so - instead of standing over him at the

playground and coaching him to Be Careful, let him explore the whole jungle gym

on his own. Let him wander a few steps from the playground into the dirt and

pick up sticks. In fact, take a seat on the bench and watch him take great joy in

jumping off stuff, testing his physical abilities, and building with the natural

treasures he finds. He needs this exercise and every new thing he masters out

there gives him a little boost. It affirms that he is boy and he can be strong and

creative. One thing my husband taught our boys early on was to land on their feet -

literally. He would let them try the monkey bars with our help even at age two

and he would coach them to land on their feet when they dropped. This is a way

to teach your boy to avoid broken arms, wrists or other injuries. By simply

teaching them to drop down feet first. After some practice with this, you can

watch as they master the skill and try new things at the park. Raising boys

requires trust on your part. They need to test their courage and you should

allow them to do so, lest you risk crippling them because YOU are afraid. Our

motto is, “if it’s not bleeding or broken, it’s okay!”

Another way to give your son a little freedom is to let them choose their own

clothes. Was this a battle for me early on? Yes. Do I want my kids to look like the

adorable little boys I see all the time on the blogs of other mommies - all matching

and stuff? Yes. But the reality of my everyday life is that this battle is just not

worth fighting. My boys dress in soccer shorts and t-shirts virtually every day of

their life (except church, when everyone knows they must wear a shirt with a

collar and nice pants) and they are happy doing so. I choose to save my energy

for more important battles - like teaching them not to help themselves to the 2

pound block of cheddar in the fridge.

You can still control a little bit of what they wear by stocking their drawers or

closets with things YOU choose: about 5 or 6 shirts, 3 or 4 bottoms, a couple of

pairs of jammies and plenty of underwear. That’s it. Give them freedom with limits

and let it go.

Case in point: Easter 2013. Yes, this is an actual Easter morning family photo:

One more way to extend a little freedom to your son is to let him play alone. It

seems like a lot of parents these days are afraid of letting their kids play alone,

instead handing them a handheld device or giving them screen time to entertain

themselves…probably while, they, the parent, take a few minutes to do

something they need to do. Let’s be honest, sometimes you just need five whole

minutes in the bathroom by YOURSELF. But I encourage you to put your boys in

their room(s) or separate spaces, and let them play alone. I use this strategy

when my boys just get too worked up in the house. They start running, jumping,

wrestling, and they just need a few minutes to calm down. This is the perfect time

to give them some alone time. In fact, build it in their daily schedule. My boys

usually “play separate” two times a day - once in the morning and once in the

afternoon/evening time. And sometimes more if the day demands it. :) I set the

kitchen timer for anywhere from 15-30 minutes and let them know that when the

timer rings, we will all play together again. Even though they may resist it at first,

boys can use the time to build blocks, play dress up, look at books, or do other

things using their minds. They don’t need a handheld device for this.

Now, how to channel your boys’ energy to useful tasks? I have learned that my

boys respond best when I give them one task to accomplish at a time.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed in the mornings when I see that they are not

dressed, their room is a mess, and they have to be at school in 20 minutes. I am

tempted to bark orders letting them know all the tasks that need to be done.

Instead, I have to assess where to start. Getting dressed is the most important

thing, so I give them clear directions to get dressed (choosing their own clothes,

of course, from their carefully selected wardrobe). When they are almost done, I

give instructions to brush teeth - the next important thing. And, then if there’s

time, I instruct them to pick up three things in their room, or do their best to make

their bed, etc. Sometimes it is a slow and painful process. They do not brush

their teeth for the recommended two minutes. Their beds don’t look even close

to made. But these are tasks I have asked them to do, so I let them do them on

their own. This is part of making them into strong men who can help at home.

And just as I would not charge ahead of my husband and complete a task I have

asked him to do, or criticize the way he does it, I take the same approach with my

boys. If I criticize the way they have completed the tasks, I discourage them from

trying next time.

Boys love to help with things. I often redirect a misbehaving or attention seeking

kid with a request for help. Ask them to carry stuff, vacuum, bring small trash

cans to you for dumping, put things in the dryer or washer, plug and unplug

things for you. Hand them a dust rag and let them stay busy “dusting”. Give

them a wet cleaning wipe and give them a specific place to clean. Basically any

small task at home, your boys can help with. They just need you to engage them,

ask for their help, and then praise them like crazy when they do it! One of the

most useful things I have found is to make things a competition. I’ll say, “okay,

boys, let’s see if we can get this playroom clean in 8 minutes! You think we can

do it?! Ready, go!” They love a race and they love a challenge. And, then after a

few times, you can challenge them to clean stuff up all by themselves and beat

the timer. =) I will also often say, “who can help Mommy by…?” They learn that

women sometimes need help and men can offer it. They learn the natural order

of how God designed families to work best. Men are servant leaders and

providers and women are the helper/organizer/super human. =)

A few years back I read a great book by a woman with TEN boys. Yes, ten. She

published a great list in her book about age appropriate chores. Here is a link to

the list. It is a great resource if you are not sure where to start your kids helping

around the house. Little boys and girls need to learn early on that doing chores

is part of being a family. Everyone has a job to do. Most children will rise to the

challenge if you engage them and let them help with things.

Raising boys is a wonderful and demanding task. I encourage Moms of boys to

pray daily for the wisdom, patience and energy it requires. It is a big job...raising

tomorrow’s husbands, fathers, and leaders in society. But nothing is impossible

with God, and I’ll bet that you are already doing a better job than you think you

are. Take heart, Oh Boy Mama! And rest in the knowledge that you have a great

example to follow every day as you walk with and learn from Jesus - the ultimate

courageous servant leader.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

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